Partnering with Parents

These are my notes from the first elective today.

Partnering with Parents. Dr Mike Stevens
October 24 2013

Disciples are hand made, not mass produced. David Kinnaman

Relational discipleship is the model for making disciples.

Youth love the Friday night events, and the leaders that work with them, but it's not just about the event; it's about the journey.

Parents are the primary disciplers. (This is also the premise from 'Almost Christian'.)

There is no perfect family revealed in the Bible.

Sticky Faith
Studies prove what we know; parents are the key influencers.
The faith of the young person will be the faith of their parents. Eg, if the parents only bring their family to church fortnightly, they will be foolish to expect their kids will want to come to youth group every week.

Orange Thinking
Red is the blood of the family, yellow is the church as light of the world. Orange is when they combine. Two combined influences is better than two separate influences.
In church you might get about 40 hours per year with youth as opposed to 3000 hours of unstructured time in a family setting. Can we do all the discipleship in 40 hours, or can we better invest in families?

40 developmental assets
First one is family support
Two is positive family communication
Eleven, family boundaries, clear rules and consequences.
Fourteen, adult role models. People who set the example.

Bo Boshers
Friday night can be like a science experiment where we put the heat on a certain topic, but through the week it goes off the boil without the support from home, and this leads to a constant boiling and cooling and boiling and cooling.

Stages of parent Engagement

Aware
They want to be better in their parenting

Involved
Basic entry level, maybe a reply to an email. Beginning to join the conversation

Engaged
They stop you on Sunday and want to talk and are interested in what's happening in youth ministry.
They're starting to understand that they are the primary discipler.

Invested
They run stuff for you. They're not just looking at their own kids, but are starting to help with others too.

Our role is to help move them along this line. Not all parents will get to be Invested, but we can seek to help move them along. Identify where they are at. In the Engaged and Invested group are potential supporters for your youth leadership.

For those in the Aware and Involved group, we need to build awareness in them.
Make sure they know what is happening.
Tell parents that they are the primary disciplers for their children. Be ready to send articles etc about parenting to support them. "language proceeds culture" so talk it up as often as you can.
Get out in the car park and talk briefly with the parents.
Sundays at church, look for the parents to talk with them.

For those who are Engaged and Invested, we need to create opportunities.
Put a parent involvement lens over your ministry. Don't think about doing more, but think of your ministry with a parent lens on.
Table talk, a place to talk over some big issues, and send stuff home for the parents. Ask parents to do two sessions a week around the tea table talking on these issues. Provide open questions.
At camps, send an email home to the parents each night, include a few photos.
Set up a camp Facebook page, and ask parents to like this page.
Get parents to meet back at church half an hour before the bus returns and talk with the parents about what happened at camp. Give parents three questions to ask their children when they get home.
Have parents involved at youth group. Works best with younger groups.
Be flexible on time commitments. Parents are busy people.
Invite some mid age women to support the leaders, and young adults. Link up these pairings.

Invested
Example. He gave a couple the Orange and Sticky Faith books and asked them to put together a parenting course based on this. Six months later, it happened.

One thing to take away (for me)
Camp facebook page and nightly email.

Question Time
How can I connect with parents
Dessert evenings to share information
Effective speakers

What about kids without parents, or absent parents?
Find parents in your church who have love to share.
Older people who might have time and ability to look after these people.