Weddings - commitment or entertainment?

I've reached that age where I can truly start saying, "Over my lifetime, I've seen these changes" and then talk about how things have changed over these years. There are many topics that would fit under that banner, but right now it is weddings that I have in mind.

Commitment

You see, when I was a lad, I went to a number of weddings at the church I attended with my family. I don't remember anyone telling me what these ceremonies were for, or what they represented, but it isn't hard to realise that at these times a young couple was committing themselves to each other for life. So, understandably, I grew up understanding that a wedding was a ceremony of commitment. This made perfect sense as my parents loved each other madly so the example of married life I saw as a boy was a very positive one. Committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life was, I assumed, what everyone did.

Then I got a bit older, started mixing with more people, and realised that not everyone had the same experience. That's not the point of this post, but just a reality of life.

Optional

When I left school and started work (I didn't go to university. There was such an era where this happened.) I was working with people who weren't married but were living with their partners. Or they had been living together for some years before getting married. This made no sense to me when I started to mix with these people.  After all, if you're going to build a life together and buy a house together, you are already making some significant commitments, so why not actually get married?

It seemed now that marriage was optional and the wedding was an unnecessary expense. Suddenly, or at least suddenly for me, people had to define why people should get married rather than justify not getting married, or 'living in sin' to use a phrase that you can't use anymore.

If a wedding just provided a piece of paper to show you were together, then no wonder people decided it wasn't worth the bother. For what it's worth, I think that is a terribly poor understanding of the wedding and that piece of paper. Suffice it to say that there was a period of time in the not too distant past when getting married was really seen as optional, and outside the church, it seemed undesired.

Then things changed.

Experience

Even those who had been living together for some years and who looked very settled, they still wanted a wedding. They didn't think the piece of paper mattered for their relationship, but they - and usually it was she - wanted the experience of the wedding. This makes sense. After all, don't most people grow up thinking about the possibilities of their own wedding when they attend the weddings of their friends? Don't we all, boys included, imagine the music that would be played, the place of the wedding, the fun of the day?

It was at this time that people were starting to spend massive amounts of money on their weddings. Houses were mortgaged and loans taken out to pay for the reception venue at ridiculous costs. Wedding cakes that would cost a week's wages were ordered and the fanciest stationery used for the invitations. People would approach ministers of big churches to use the building, not because they had any interest in the church and faith, but because it fitted with their childhood dreams. It was a fantasy wedding and some people would have it at any cost.

Movie makers knew this and were making movies like "The Wedding Planner", "Father of the Bride", and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" to name a few.

Two things to note on this. One, while people would pay megabucks for reception venues and cake, they would often make just a small donation to the minster (sometimes me) even though I would invest a number of hours into the wedding. Not everyone, but a number. Two, it is tragic to see a huge amount of money spent on the wedding, and for that couple to end their relationship before the wedding is paid off.

Things have changed again.

Entertainment

In Australia, we can't get enough of weddings as entertainment. A royal wedding means every house in the country has a television showing this grand event. When it's something as special as that, I understand why people would watch it.

But our TV makers know we love a wedding and royal weddings only happen once every generation. So what to do? Well, they could have an agreement with some celebrants and film those weddings and the preparation that goes into such a ceremony of commitment, but why would we do that if we can find something better?

Australian TV makers know exactly what to do.

Create a wedding.

Create the experience for two which will become entertainment for the rest of the country.

And I'm ashamed to say, Australians love it. There are two shows on at the moment. "Married at First Sight" means two people agree to get married to someone they have never met before. In fact, the first time they do meet will be at the venue where the ceremony is held. In a country that rails against arranged marriages, there is a large degree of hypocrisy here and the producers and watchers of this trash should be aware of this.

The other show is called "Australia's Cheapest Weddings" and this is a title that has some potential. After all, you dont' really need to spend a year's wages on a wedding ceremony and reception and this show could possibly give some great tips on how to do this and how to do it well. A bit like pinterest. But the ads I've seen for this show instead reveal it to be "let's laugh at the poor people" rather than something more encouraging.

And before anyone says, "you shouldn't judge a show you haven't watched!" well, isn't that the point of advertising? Isn't the point of advertising to entice me into wanting to watch the show?

What is a wedding to you?

If a wedding is a ceremony of commitment, then I pray you will be well prepared for your wedding. Make the commitment, make the most of the experience, and then enjoy life together fully from there on.

But if you are just after the experience, be prepared to be disappointed. You will never look like William and Kate, and you will never have the trumpeters and roses that you dream about. Your dream will remain a dream.

If you think a wedding is just about entertainment - are you just a voyeur?

Australia, we can do better.