Living porn-free

Porn is a sad reality in a broken world. I have chosen the adjectives carefully in that first sentence, and while you may or may not agree with them, I stand by them.

I have heard it said that most boys have seen pornography by the time they are 13 and that it is closer to 100% by the time they are 17. And while most teenage boys might just enjoy what they are seeing and the feelings that come with it, it will only be in the future that the toxic reality of what they are doing now will become apparent. Too many men know exactly what I mean here.

Sadly, amongst Christian men there is a burden of fear that is added to the shame most people will feel about using porn; fear that they will be discovered and will be kicked out of their church - which probably wouldn't happen, but the fear is there nonetheless.

There are a number of books and resources to help people dealing with this, and this week I have read Tim Chester's book "Captured by a Better Vision". Chester's aim with this is not just to provide some tools that will help people get off the sinking ship of pornography, but also to help them see beyond it to something different - a better vision.

Here are just a couple of statements that I endorse:
Porn will teach you nothing about good sex. p23
Think about a meal. You feel hungry, you consume the meal and then you feel satisfied. Twenty minutes later, you feel full and you don't want to eat anymore. Think about porn. You feel a desire, you consume porn, but you don't feel satisfied. Porn doesn't deliver. Twenty minutes later, you still feel empty and you still want more. p36 
Our sexuality is supposed to be like the Niagara Falls. The rock constrains the water, forcing it into a powerful surging rush. Porn makes sexuality like the Mississippi delta. The water there is not constrained by anything. It's spread out wide and thin and muddy. p141

If you are tired of the fight against porn, here is a book that can help. But don't read it alone. Find someone to read it with you, and to help you put it's guidance into action. There is something infinitely better. It's time to stop playing with mud-pies when there is a feast being prepared. 

Why do people hate people?

It's a question that probably doesn't rest on our minds enough. And I know that me placing it on my blog won't change that for the majority of the world, but I ask it anyway.

Why do people hate people? 

My initial response is that people hate other people either because something has happened to cause that hatred, or you simply don't mix with those people. But either of these can surely be rectified.

Something happened

I think here of people recovering from war. It is understandable that the people of one nation can come to hate the people of another nation. In Australia, there were many people who hated Japanese people because of what happened during the war. I get that. But consider how flawed it can be.
The thought process might go like this:

• That person hurt me
• that person belongs to that group
• therefore, everyone who belongs to that group must be like that person
• so I hate everyone who belongs to that group.

But this process makes some wild assumptions. Firstly, it assumes that the person has chosen to hurt you personally when it may be that he/she is hurting you because of the group you belong to. Second, it assumes that this person has rightly expressed the values of the group he belongs to. Thirdly, it assumes that everyone in the group feels the same.

My own life tells me that such assumptions are false and dangerous.

So I move to my next thought.

I don't mix with those people

This connects to the first point. And the thought process works something like this 

• That person scares me
• that person belongs to that group
• therefore, everyone who belongs to that group must be like that person
• so I hate everyone who belongs to that group.

In our country at the moment, there is a debate on how to deal with asylum seekers. The people who speak loudest and with the greatest hatred (I use the term rightly, I think) are those who are utterly untouched by these people. But when I hear from those of my friends who are meeting with the asylum seekers, there is no hint of hatred towards them.

I know I haven't answered the question, and I don't think I can. But I can answer it for myself. And I have no right to hate anyone. For sure, there are people I disagree with, and some of them I would disagree completely on some issues. But this does not mean I hate them.

Something to "sit and wonder" about.