Depression, Grief, and Suicide

Depression, Grief and Suicide

Kylie Butler, Oct 26 2013

With the issues raised in this session, if you need to leave, you are free to do so.

What is depression? It is a complex phenomenon involving both internal mechanisms and external influences. . . The important question is one of intensity and duration. It is considered depression when the symptoms last for more than two weeks and when they are sufficiently intense so as to cause either significant . . . 

Burnout and depression are different, but are highly related and the terms are sometimes used interchangeably.

What to look for in depression?

Isolation

Often hear: fog, flat, anger, always sad

Family, friends concerned - distant

Anxiety

More than a bad day

Lose interest in things they used to love

Awake at night or opposite sleep all the time

What can you do?

Speak with them. 'Are you really ok?'

Encourage to seek medical advice

Speak to family about your concerns

Speak to senior leaders

Encourage them, love them, keep communication open

See Beyond Blue for more info

It's medical. Never say 'Get over it or Stop it!' (Video: buried alive in a box)

Grief

Shared some stories of grief with the questions 'How do you deal with such grief?' There is no answer for some of the questions that come up.

What to look for?

Seasons of grief, grief is not linear. People can go back and forth through stages of grief.

What can you do?

Seek help for yourself, even if you don't know the person who died

Allow them to tell their story again and again

Walk with them for the journey. Stay connected after the funeral.

Know different grief experiences: denial, anger, sadness, hyper, and more. People can repeat these

Journalling, prayer

Support person, remember significant markers. Put these anniversary dates in your calendar so you remember them.

Suicide

Different questions come out for this compared to questions for grief.

What to look for?

Self harm

Speak of suicide

Loss of interest in things they loved

Speaking about their funeral, giving away their possessions

Apathy to life

Sudden change in behaviour

Social media

Approx 80% of young people who complete suicide had told someone they were going to

Triggers can involve stressful situations

What can I do?

Listen and encourage them to talk, take it seriously

Show you care

Provide reassurance without dismissing

Ask if they have a plan for suicide. Point out consequences 

Ensure they can't get weapons or lethal medications

Stay with the person at high risk

Provide contact numbers and assist them to call if needed

Speak to their family 

Keep communication open

Always follow through, never leave it unless you give it to someone else

Don't just tell your own stories or offer too much advice

Don't panic or become judgemental

You are NEVER responsible for someone's self harm or suicide

Panel discussion

Grief: Community is very important in grief. 'Mourn with those who mourn.'

Depression: Woman with depression valued the one who could sit with her and say 'I know what's going on. I see this.'

Suicide: People use social media to ask if they should suicide and how. (I clearly don't know all that's going on in the dark side of social media.)

Questions

How do we deal with anger toward God when people who are great servants of God die are killed?

Long term relational process

Allow people to express their anger to God within the body of the church

Understand that death is part of life

What to do with the phenomenon of failed suicides becoming heroes? 

Give some thought to how we deal with the fall out

Kingdom work can help to promote a greater hero, and one that promotes life and light, not death and darkness

What can we do in the ebb of emotional blackmail?

If they are threatening suicide, don't be afraid to ask how they loan to do it.

It is never about you.

Keep checking with a professional counsellor to ensure you're not saying or doing the wrong things.

How do we encourage youth to deal with these areas in a godly manner, particularly when parents and/or teachers present the exact opposite?

Develop community within the church; a place they can come that is very different to the world around them.

How are we living out the values Jesus taught?

Have a theology of suffering and grief, and talk about this theology. If people only get the picture that only good things happen to Christian, their image of God will be shattered at some point.

Many have been forced to have abortions. How do we deal with grief attached to this?

Talk openly and honestly. Help them to look forward. 

The Babes Project has some resources that can help for this.

Part 2

Questions

First response - what do you do?

Called the pastoral team together immediately.

Call the parents, tell them their children are safe, asking them to come up, and then allowing their children to speak on the phone.

Give space and time for people to be and grieve together

How do you build a faith story in the midst of grief?

Biblical stories of grief

Your own story of grief

Include their stories of grief

Prayer, both alone and in community

Understand the broken world

Journaling

Big story of God

Present hope

God's faithfulness

God's promises

God's truth

These emotions are natural

Listen

Serving people through this grief

God has a plan for us, his goodness in the midst of this pain

Testimonies of others

God works through all situations

God understands our pain

Ask questions (80% listening, 20% talking)

Debunking the myths of faith and grief

If you're faith is strong enough you wouldn't feel like this

It's a long term journey

Who is involved in this process?

The individual

Family

Peers

School

Sports

Church

Online

Work

Church community

Teachers / leaders

(Remember that we only spend a small amount of time each year with this person. They are spending far more time with family; school; etc.)

How can we be pre-emptive?

Community

Facilitate relationships

A safe community

Identify support networks

If you have a problem, who can you go to?

Social media isn't a good strategy for getting help.

Helping them gain an understanding of God

Theology of suffering and God's place in that

What is my identity in God

Encouragement / strength development

Practice laments 

Use the language of suffering

Incorporate the whole family into our ministry. Youth ministry beyond the youth.

Encourage open and vulnerable communication. It's no good tapping into our emotional language only when our emotions are raging hot.

Accept that we will never eradicate grief.