More than mortality

On Sunday I received a phone call to let us know a dear friend had died. It wasn't a surprise. Roy was over 80, was suffering with dementia and had cancer. But I am still sad. 

He is Christian, and so I believe the promises of the gospel of Jesus Christ are being fulfilled for him even now. Death has no victory, the grave has no sting. I believe that. And yet I'm feeling the sting of death. The man I knew as strong and loud and determined became confused and sick and forgetful. The last time I saw him I spent an hour talking with him, but he didn't know who I was. Even though we had shared precious times together over twenty years, he didn't know who I was. That makes me sad, and I can't even begin to imagine what it is like for people when it is their own father or mother who doesn't recognise them.

I am sad that a life has ended. I am sad for the way this life ended. I am sad that I didn't get to see him before he died. I am sad.

Yet within that sadness I hold on to the promises of the gospel. Death has no victory. There may be a sting, but it will not last. Nothing, not even death, can separate us from the love of God. 

Roy, I know you can't read these words now, but I'll write them anyway. Thank you for being our friend. Thank you for caring for me and Anne and our boys when they were so little. Thank you for letting them play in your backyard. Thank you for fixing our bathroom and putting a fence on the verandah. 

We will miss you.

Post Christmas ponderings 2013

Christmas has come and gone for another year. It's been good, but there are some things that have stood out for me. 

Christmas Songs

I have missed singing the great hymns and songs of Christmas. This is partly because I haven't been at the same church two weeks in a row for a month. There are so many great songs that testify to the birth of Jesus as Saviour, and they should be sung well. As we only sing them in December even though they are worth singing through the year, I missed them.

This is further amplified by many churches in our denomination choosing not to focus on advent and preparing for Christmas in the way I have always done. I know there are reasons for this, but I would always choose to focus on the birth of a Saviour and its implications right through December.

One more thing. While there are many stupid Christmas songs (Jingle Bells sits at the top of that list), it is my opinion that "All I want for Christmas is you" is a song of immense selfishness.

Christmas Day

I love Christmas Day. It's a great celebration and the greatest reason to celebrate. Our church service at Croydon Hills Presbyterian was terrific, and the highlight was the sermon.

The connection between the promises of the Old Testament and the birth of Jesus were made wonderfully clear. Matthew 1:21-23 is worth reading and meditating on.

Facebook

It was good to see so many people celebrate Jesus and also wish many others a Merry Christmas via Facebook. It's a good way to share your comments, although it can be a little impersonal.

Jesus

No matter how people celebrate Christmas, I have no doubt that the celebration is about Jesus. Nothing else is more important. You might have enjoy the time with your family, you might enjoy presents, you might even enjoy feeding the poor, but the central focus of Christmas is Jesus.

May it always be so for you.

Bible Engagement for Youth

Are the youth in your church engaged with the Bible? That might seem a strange question, so let me re-word it: is the Bible a significant influence in the lives of the youth in your church? Research conducted by the Christian Research Association leads me to believe the answer is probably "no". Now most of us would be unhappy with that, and I think we should be unhappy with that, and I hope to write something more on this issue. 

But for now here are some suggestions to help youth connect to the Bible that can be done overnight:

-take your own Bible to church and do everything you can to get the youth to do the same

-open your Bible for the scripture reading and sermon at church and do everything you can to get the youth to do the same

-after church, ask them what they learned in the sermon

-if the previous question is answered, relate it back to the sermon. (This is, of course, based on an assumption that the sermon will have a connection to the Bible. If this doesn't happen at your church, that's a different topic all together.)

-if you are asked to do the Scripture reading at church, practice at home, and make sure you sound like you believe it. This is much easier if you do actually believe it. 

-if you are a parent, allow your kids to see you reading the Bible.

Do you have some other suggestions? I'd be happy to hear them.

Reflections on NYMC

I have spent the last four days in Coolongatta / Tweed Heads attending the National Youth Ministry Convention. This event provides an opportunity for people involved in youth ministry from right across Australia to receive some excellent professional development, to be inspired and skilled in what they are doing, and, significanty, it means they can also meet other youth workers. 

Here are some thoughts:

If you try to attend everything, you'll be exhausted. 

This is not a criticism of the organisers, but every day was full. With the mornings having either two workshops sessions or a three hour Professional Development session, two workshops in the afternoon, and then a two hour public rally each night, it is a ful program. The advantage of this is that it provides more chances to attend the different workshops. The downside is feeling very tired (and not having time to visit the beach for long.)

The variety of workshops was amazing.

No matter what area of ministry you are involved in, there was something for you. I attended workshops that dealt with issues like "Dealing with Grief, Depression, and Suicide", "Partnering with Parents", "Turning your dream into reality", "The Sexual World of the 21st century adolescent". But this was only a fraction of what was available. Some of the other options were, "Running Life Changing Camps", "Reaching Boys", "Ministry to Girls", "Finding God in popular Culture", and "Redeeming Social Media". But even that is only a small section. 

Some of these workshops will hopefully be available on the NYMC website. 

I enjoyed almost everything I attended.

That sounds worse than I mean, but the evening rallies were the low point for me. This doesn't mean tehy were rubbish, it just means I didn't find them as helpful as everything else. Joel McKerrow gave (said?) two of his poems, and they were great. There is something powerful about the spoken word. 

I attended three of the four rallies (rallys ?) and felt like the speakers were motivational and strong, but it was the final message from Andy Hawthorne that will stay with me. He is exciting, passionate, and sold out to Jesus without being a complete freak. His story is incredible, and the work he is a part of in Manchester is some of the most inspiring things I've seen for a long time. Go to www.message.org.uk to learn more. You won't regret the time.

You'll get to meet great people.

I really enjoyed staying with the group from the Reformed Church. And through this, not only did I get some new Facebook friends, I think I made real friends too. Here is a church that seems to be working hard to support their youth ministry. .

I was also able to meet, and in some cases spend some time with, some of the key people in youth ministry in Australia at this time. The workshops were great, but when you can privately ask your questions, or learn who can help you best on certain issues, that makes it worth coming. 

I'm glad I came.

I miss my family. I wanted ot be home some times, but I'm glad I was here. I've learned a lot, and most of that will take some time to work through. But I know that I wouldn't have learned it so well sitting at my desk just listening to a podcast. 

So, NYMC 2015 should go onto your calendar now. I hope to be there. 

Depression, Grief, and Suicide

Depression, Grief and Suicide

Kylie Butler, Oct 26 2013

With the issues raised in this session, if you need to leave, you are free to do so.

What is depression? It is a complex phenomenon involving both internal mechanisms and external influences. . . The important question is one of intensity and duration. It is considered depression when the symptoms last for more than two weeks and when they are sufficiently intense so as to cause either significant . . . 

Burnout and depression are different, but are highly related and the terms are sometimes used interchangeably.

What to look for in depression?

Isolation

Often hear: fog, flat, anger, always sad

Family, friends concerned - distant

Anxiety

More than a bad day

Lose interest in things they used to love

Awake at night or opposite sleep all the time

What can you do?

Speak with them. 'Are you really ok?'

Encourage to seek medical advice

Speak to family about your concerns

Speak to senior leaders

Encourage them, love them, keep communication open

See Beyond Blue for more info

It's medical. Never say 'Get over it or Stop it!' (Video: buried alive in a box)

Grief

Shared some stories of grief with the questions 'How do you deal with such grief?' There is no answer for some of the questions that come up.

What to look for?

Seasons of grief, grief is not linear. People can go back and forth through stages of grief.

What can you do?

Seek help for yourself, even if you don't know the person who died

Allow them to tell their story again and again

Walk with them for the journey. Stay connected after the funeral.

Know different grief experiences: denial, anger, sadness, hyper, and more. People can repeat these

Journalling, prayer

Support person, remember significant markers. Put these anniversary dates in your calendar so you remember them.

Suicide

Different questions come out for this compared to questions for grief.

What to look for?

Self harm

Speak of suicide

Loss of interest in things they loved

Speaking about their funeral, giving away their possessions

Apathy to life

Sudden change in behaviour

Social media

Approx 80% of young people who complete suicide had told someone they were going to

Triggers can involve stressful situations

What can I do?

Listen and encourage them to talk, take it seriously

Show you care

Provide reassurance without dismissing

Ask if they have a plan for suicide. Point out consequences 

Ensure they can't get weapons or lethal medications

Stay with the person at high risk

Provide contact numbers and assist them to call if needed

Speak to their family 

Keep communication open

Always follow through, never leave it unless you give it to someone else

Don't just tell your own stories or offer too much advice

Don't panic or become judgemental

You are NEVER responsible for someone's self harm or suicide

Panel discussion

Grief: Community is very important in grief. 'Mourn with those who mourn.'

Depression: Woman with depression valued the one who could sit with her and say 'I know what's going on. I see this.'

Suicide: People use social media to ask if they should suicide and how. (I clearly don't know all that's going on in the dark side of social media.)

Questions

How do we deal with anger toward God when people who are great servants of God die are killed?

Long term relational process

Allow people to express their anger to God within the body of the church

Understand that death is part of life

What to do with the phenomenon of failed suicides becoming heroes? 

Give some thought to how we deal with the fall out

Kingdom work can help to promote a greater hero, and one that promotes life and light, not death and darkness

What can we do in the ebb of emotional blackmail?

If they are threatening suicide, don't be afraid to ask how they loan to do it.

It is never about you.

Keep checking with a professional counsellor to ensure you're not saying or doing the wrong things.

How do we encourage youth to deal with these areas in a godly manner, particularly when parents and/or teachers present the exact opposite?

Develop community within the church; a place they can come that is very different to the world around them.

How are we living out the values Jesus taught?

Have a theology of suffering and grief, and talk about this theology. If people only get the picture that only good things happen to Christian, their image of God will be shattered at some point.

Many have been forced to have abortions. How do we deal with grief attached to this?

Talk openly and honestly. Help them to look forward. 

The Babes Project has some resources that can help for this.

Part 2

Questions

First response - what do you do?

Called the pastoral team together immediately.

Call the parents, tell them their children are safe, asking them to come up, and then allowing their children to speak on the phone.

Give space and time for people to be and grieve together

How do you build a faith story in the midst of grief?

Biblical stories of grief

Your own story of grief

Include their stories of grief

Prayer, both alone and in community

Understand the broken world

Journaling

Big story of God

Present hope

God's faithfulness

God's promises

God's truth

These emotions are natural

Listen

Serving people through this grief

God has a plan for us, his goodness in the midst of this pain

Testimonies of others

God works through all situations

God understands our pain

Ask questions (80% listening, 20% talking)

Debunking the myths of faith and grief

If you're faith is strong enough you wouldn't feel like this

It's a long term journey

Who is involved in this process?

The individual

Family

Peers

School

Sports

Church

Online

Work

Church community

Teachers / leaders

(Remember that we only spend a small amount of time each year with this person. They are spending far more time with family; school; etc.)

How can we be pre-emptive?

Community

Facilitate relationships

A safe community

Identify support networks

If you have a problem, who can you go to?

Social media isn't a good strategy for getting help.

Helping them gain an understanding of God

Theology of suffering and God's place in that

What is my identity in God

Encouragement / strength development

Practice laments 

Use the language of suffering

Incorporate the whole family into our ministry. Youth ministry beyond the youth.

Encourage open and vulnerable communication. It's no good tapping into our emotional language only when our emotions are raging hot.

Accept that we will never eradicate grief. 

Adolescent Sexual World

This was a confronting session to sit through, and the advertising industry should hang its collective head in shame. Anyway, here are some notes from the two sessions.

Sexual world of the 21st century adolescent

Melinda Tankard-Reist (Collective Shout)

October 25 2013 2.00pm

The images that are shown here are not from the back blocks of a porn industry. Instead, they are from general advertising, music videos, and magazines.

The cultural landscape is continuing to change in a sexualised manner.

Girls get and believe the message that they need to be thin and sexy to be accepted.

We can and should get angry about this message.

This issue is backed by good research.

90% increase in older adolescents self harming in ten years

60% increase in younger girls in ten years

World studies link these outcomes to the messages given to girls about their bodies

Girls are visiting pro-anorexia websites (how do such things even exist!!)

Things that girls used to talk with Melinda about at school at 16-17, they are now asking at 12-13.

Sexting can result in boys being charged with sexual offences and ending up on the sex-offender register. Teenagers need to know this!

"Silence is the language of complicity. Speaking out is the language of change." Anon

There was so much to take in through this session that I wasn't able to take notes. So I add this with some reflection:

The sexualisation of advertising is producing nothing good

Looking at some advertising images in a setting like this makes me wonder how anyone thought they would be a good idea! I can only assume that there are no women involved in advertising apart from flaunting themselves in front of the camera.

Was there ever a woman's movement in our history? It seems to have failed.

Images that go online that are 'sexy' images are harvested by parasite websites and can end up on porn websites. A study showed that of over 12,000 images, well over 10,000 of them, 88% in fact, ended up on a porn website. Something for girls to keep in mind if they consider posting photos of themselves in bikinis etc.

One complaint can make a significant difference.

Over the road from a boys Grammar School, there was two large billboards for brothels. Standards in advertising, or self-regulation proving its limits.

Dolly magazine is giving sex advice to girls who are legally under age. If they follow through with the advice, the boys could end up in a world of legal trouble.

Girls who are drunk cannot give consent. Taking advantage of a girl who is drunk makes you guilty of an offence, not just of being a prick.

If a company requires its workers to wear a badge that says 'I love sex!', even if those workers are teenage casual workers, the workers unions should be taking action. And consumers who see this should be taking action.

The biggest users of online porn are 12-17 year olds. If this is where boys are learning about sex, the future is bleak.

Part 2 (this is the R18 session)

The session began with a poem from a lady who was locked in a basement by her father when she was ten, sold and a used by pedophiles until she was fifteen when she finally escaped.

One line stands out (although I may have paraphrased it)

Maybe it's time for men to teach boys

That girls are not toys

Your kids may not be looking for porn, but porn is looking for your children.

The average age of first exposure to porn is 11. This is the average. And often the first exposure is very hard core porn.

We are engaging in an unprecedented assault on the sexual development of our teenagers.

Myths

Porn is hard to find

-boys and girls are being exposed to porn

-girls are raised to think of themselves as sexual service stations 

They say 'he seemed to enjoy it.' 

porn is our most prominent sex educator

Porn is harmless

Dr Robi Sonderegger

Independent parliamentary inquiry into child protection (UK)

Australian medical association journal on Internet Pornography and Adolescent Health

Higher risk STI's and unplanned pregnancy

STI's have increased tenfold in the ten to fourteen age group in recent years

Porn is a good sex educator

It is a generic porn sexuality limited in creativity, lacking any sense of love, respect of connection

Girls aren't reporting what is sexual assault because they believe they are supposed to be enjoying it.

The Age Jan 14 2012 'Porn blamed for problems behaviours'

The Age Oct 23 2012 'Parasite' porn sites stealing images and videos posted by teens

Internet Watch Foundation

Porn enhances relationships and connections

Who needs the hassle of dating when I've got online porn? Quote from a anew York Biy

'Love and Sex in an age of pornography' was shown on SBS in Aug 2013

20% would prefer porn to sex with their partner

Girls are disempowered to say no

Porn isn't addictive

'The Brain that changes Itself' book

Porn is behind the counter

Just wander through the shops

Mainstreaming of Playboy brand means it has lost its connection to porn and is popular amongst girls!

Collective Shout

.Mossimo Peepshow competition

www.Melindatankardreist.com

Faking It magazine

Ruby Who book and Video

Book 'Men of Honour'

Turning your dreams into reality

From Dreams to Reality. Andy Hawthorne - The Message Trust

October 25 2013 9.00am Part 1

www.message.org.uk

Andy began this session with his testimony, and that of his brother. God works in the most remarkable ways. "I knew Jesus had accepted me. When I woke up in the morning I wanted to tell people about Jesus."

Key scripture for The Message

Isaiah 43:18-21

“Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

 See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland.

 The wild animals honor me,

the jackals and the owls,

because I provide water in the desert

and streams in the wasteland,

to give drink to my people, my chosen,

 the people I formed for myself

that they may proclaim my praise.

Inner city Manchester was like a desert, and the young men were like jackals.

There was great evangelism and many coming to Christ at events, but not many were staying with Jesus. Too many were falling away. How to change this? Recruit missionaries to move into the estate. These became known as Eden Teams.

You need a strategy for your youth ministry. Something that is like a city on a hill that gets them excited and shows the leaders have faith. But you also need something like salt and yeast, someone that works consistently and quietly with the individuals. 

We have been charged with the duty of making disciples. 

Damaged people need three things:

Great supportive church community

A safe home

A good job

Every month, one day would be spent in prayer. A local minister would come and share the day with them. This is integral to The Message Trust

Creative Arts

Community Transformation

Eden Workers (think five years minimum)

Ex-Prisoners

Christ-Centered Enterprise

Work is a key part

Second Key Scripture is Psalm 37:5-11

Trust in the Lord and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

 Delight yourself in the Lord

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in him and he will do this:

 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when men succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;

do not fret –it leads only to evil.

 For evil men will be cut off,

but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;

though you look for them, they will not be found.

 But the meek will inherit the land

and enjoy great peace.

A Five Stage Process from Dream to Reality

Matthew 10 shows a turning point in the life of Jesus and his Disciples

1. See

Jesus saw the crowds (Mt 9:36-37)

(Andy's grandfather was Robert Hawthorne, a Salvo missionary to India)

We've got to see what's going on around us, beyond our safe youth group.

2. Feel

Jesus was moved with compassion (Matt 9:36)

Surely we have to feel something for the lost

Do we believe people could be living lives of worth and purpose with Christ?

Find an area we can determine will hear the gospel of Jesus. 

Ps 37:4 - God's desires on our hearts

3. Pray

Jesus tells them to pray for workers with a certain purpose (Matt 9:37)

Jesus doesn't say a lot about what we should pray for, but this is clear.

Andy's main job description

-Keep Mission Hot

-Keep Prayer Hot

Read the story of revivals

We're not going to get the job done without praying to The Lord of the harvest

4. Get

Get some authority. Get some workers

Jesus sent the disciples out to fill this task (Matt 10:1)

He gave them authority

5. Go

We've got to go. We've got to be encouraging our young people to go.

So much of our ministry is making people come, when Jesus is calling us to go.

Go with preaching (10:7)

Go to the poor and needy (10:8)

Go in faith (10:10)

-how much would you be stuffed if God didn't turn up?

If I want to dream big dreams, I first need to be aware of the needs that are around me. Then I need to pray, and keep on praying. 

"I'd rather fail spectacularly trying to reach the lost and the poor than do nothing." 

Part 2 11.00am

Mark your church/ministry out of 10

How good are we at seeing the needs of our community?

How much do we Feel for the community?

How are we at prayer?

How are we at getting fresh vision/power from the Holy Spirit?

How are we with Going?

(Results of this survey in our room: See - 5.2; Feeling - 4.9; Praying - 4.7; Getting - 5; Going 4.5)

If there are 10% of people in the church who are gifted as evangelists, you will only find them, they will shine brightest, when you and they are involved in mission.

"Intimacy with Jesus and engagement with culture". The sweet spot is where these join.

Developing your own evangelistic strategy

Acts 20:24

The note from William Booth that is still remembered is the telegram that said "Others".

2 Chron 16:9

The Lord isn't looking for talent, sexiness, strength etc. Instead he's looking for a heart.

Any evangelistic strategy must be

1. birthed in prayer and worship

nothing unites people in care for the lost like praying together for them

-lost-centred worship

Share the stories and celebrate the transformed life

2. Must include everybody

-must be experienced by every member

-teach them about evangelism and how to share the faith

 -make this a core part of your youth ministry

3. Needs to be modelled by the leadership

-reach some lost people

-have stories to share about YOUR evangelistic efforts

4. Needs to be focussed

-ask questions like "What's our geographic area?" "Who are the people we're trying to reach?" "How could everybody in this area hear the gospel in a way they can understand?" "What is the time frame for this?"

"What kind of youth group (church) are we going to be if we're going to reach these people?"

5. Needs to be relational

-an incarnational kind of ministry

-so many efforts fail because they have no connection to the community

8. Needs to be repeated

-don't give up when they hear the news one time. 

-research suggest people need to hear the news seven times 

7. Need to be relevant

-anything that's irrelevant but we do it just because we like it, kick it out

8. Need to be persuasive

-find and use the evangelists

-give people the opportunity

-use big evangelistic events

9. Needs to be faith-fillled

-the Bible shows that faith is important.

-take big risks

-we can rely on God putting his resources into such a task

10. We need to be excellent

-non-Christians won't put up with shoddy efforts

-we spend millions on a church extension, but thousands on reaching the lost

11. Need to make sure it's Jesus centred and Bible based. 

-2 Tim 3:16 shows us that we have everything we need here.