Partnering with Parents

These are my notes from the first elective today.

Partnering with Parents. Dr Mike Stevens
October 24 2013

Disciples are hand made, not mass produced. David Kinnaman

Relational discipleship is the model for making disciples.

Youth love the Friday night events, and the leaders that work with them, but it's not just about the event; it's about the journey.

Parents are the primary disciplers. (This is also the premise from 'Almost Christian'.)

There is no perfect family revealed in the Bible.

Sticky Faith
Studies prove what we know; parents are the key influencers.
The faith of the young person will be the faith of their parents. Eg, if the parents only bring their family to church fortnightly, they will be foolish to expect their kids will want to come to youth group every week.

Orange Thinking
Red is the blood of the family, yellow is the church as light of the world. Orange is when they combine. Two combined influences is better than two separate influences.
In church you might get about 40 hours per year with youth as opposed to 3000 hours of unstructured time in a family setting. Can we do all the discipleship in 40 hours, or can we better invest in families?

40 developmental assets
First one is family support
Two is positive family communication
Eleven, family boundaries, clear rules and consequences.
Fourteen, adult role models. People who set the example.

Bo Boshers
Friday night can be like a science experiment where we put the heat on a certain topic, but through the week it goes off the boil without the support from home, and this leads to a constant boiling and cooling and boiling and cooling.

Stages of parent Engagement

Aware
They want to be better in their parenting

Involved
Basic entry level, maybe a reply to an email. Beginning to join the conversation

Engaged
They stop you on Sunday and want to talk and are interested in what's happening in youth ministry.
They're starting to understand that they are the primary discipler.

Invested
They run stuff for you. They're not just looking at their own kids, but are starting to help with others too.

Our role is to help move them along this line. Not all parents will get to be Invested, but we can seek to help move them along. Identify where they are at. In the Engaged and Invested group are potential supporters for your youth leadership.

For those in the Aware and Involved group, we need to build awareness in them.
Make sure they know what is happening.
Tell parents that they are the primary disciplers for their children. Be ready to send articles etc about parenting to support them. "language proceeds culture" so talk it up as often as you can.
Get out in the car park and talk briefly with the parents.
Sundays at church, look for the parents to talk with them.

For those who are Engaged and Invested, we need to create opportunities.
Put a parent involvement lens over your ministry. Don't think about doing more, but think of your ministry with a parent lens on.
Table talk, a place to talk over some big issues, and send stuff home for the parents. Ask parents to do two sessions a week around the tea table talking on these issues. Provide open questions.
At camps, send an email home to the parents each night, include a few photos.
Set up a camp Facebook page, and ask parents to like this page.
Get parents to meet back at church half an hour before the bus returns and talk with the parents about what happened at camp. Give parents three questions to ask their children when they get home.
Have parents involved at youth group. Works best with younger groups.
Be flexible on time commitments. Parents are busy people.
Invite some mid age women to support the leaders, and young adults. Link up these pairings.

Invested
Example. He gave a couple the Orange and Sticky Faith books and asked them to put together a parenting course based on this. Six months later, it happened.

One thing to take away (for me)
Camp facebook page and nightly email.

Question Time
How can I connect with parents
Dessert evenings to share information
Effective speakers

What about kids without parents, or absent parents?
Find parents in your church who have love to share.
Older people who might have time and ability to look after these people.

National Youth Ministry Convention - day 1

I'm sitting on the balcony of the apartment I am sharing and reflecting on the opening events of the National Youth Ministry Convention (NYMC). So far, not much has happened wiht the convention, but I feel like a lot has happened for me!

The next few days give me a great opportunity to sit with and connect with a number of people who are not only involved in youth ministry, but also those who are well experienced in youth ministry. 

I am staying with a group from the Christian Reformed Church of Australa (CRCA), and yesterday I was very pleased to be with someone who had been here before, because I had no idea where we were going when it was time to register. Once we had that sorted out, there was a couple of hours to rest before dinner. The group from CRCA take it in turns to cook for each other, so we crammed into one of the apartments for a Nacho meal - which was very good. I'm not too sure what our group will do when it's our turn to cook though. I'll let you know how that goes after Friday night. 

Our first session began at 8.00pm with Joel McKerrow doing some of his poetry. There is something incredibly powerful about the spoken word, and the imagery that Joel was able to create, and the powerful way he did this was fantastic! 

Then some songs, some introductions, and then a message from Phil Cann. There were some powerful moments in this message about Moses and where he met God and how he served God where he was. Some quotes / thoughts that stood out for me:

Moses turned to this bush because it was different to all the other bushes.

Stop praying for your thousands and focus on the one that comes across your path.

Today we have a number of workshop electives to attend. They all look good, but I can only get to a few. I'll let you know some of what I learn.

Staying for the long haul

Earlier this year, I had the chance to attend the General Assembly of Australia for the Presbyterian Church. I won't try to explain what that all means, except to say it's a gathering of ministers and elders from the Presbyterian Church of Australia that meet every three years. 

A highlight from the Assembly for me was the sermons given each day by Ligon Duncan from Mississippi. If you want to know more, you can read about him here.

His final sermon was one of the most encouraging things I've heard in years about persisting in ministry. If you want to hear it, you can find his sermons here. The titles aren't very imaginative (and maybe that says something), but it's the Third Assembly Exposition that I'm referring to. 

Here are my notes that I took while listening:

2 Tim 4:6-22

Paul's last written word that is found in scripture.

How does faithfulness look at the end of ministry?

1. The faithful minister ministers all his life aiming for the finish line

Paul himself has not yet reached that finish line, but urges a young minister to look to the future, to the finish.

We can be so lost in the present we lose sight of the finish line.

Is this a prayer of yours, that you will reach the finish line?

"When I was young, I wanted to acheive something great. Now I just want to finish well without bringing disgrace on the name of my Lord." Geoff Thomas

2. Faithfulness in ministry does not necessarily mean support of friends and colleagues

V9-10 shows Demas has deserted Paul.

Paul knows what it is to be deserted, but he still loves the church. The reference to Mark helps to affirm this.

3. The faithful minister never stops learning and reading.

He wants books and parchments to read and study.

See v13- "especially the parchments." These are likely scripture portions.

Spurgeon. We do not know what the books were about, or what the parchments were. . . Even an apostle must read. (Find the rest of the quote on this verse. It is gold.)

Also William Tyndale not long before he died.

Even though Paul has experienced all manner of things, revelation and more, still wants to learn more.

4. The faithful minister is always on guard against false teaching.

See v14-15

Paul leaves God to judge Alexander, but warns Timothy to be on guard.

See Paul's instruction to Timothy in book 1. "Don't teach false things. Etc."

False teaching leads the sheep astray.

5. The faithful minister, though deserted, is never alone.

See v16-18

When Paul stood before Nero, he had no one with him. There are no witness account in scripture to tell us how this ended. If ever there was a time for other Christians to be by his side, it was now.

"The Lord stood by me"

What a promise to share with Timothy, and so with all who minister in God's name. Though deserted, we are not alone.

6. The faithful minister never forgets the people to whom, and because of whom, he ministers.

See v19-21

Paul cares for people. He genuinely loves the churches.

He could have adopted the attitude 'I don't need people. I've got Jesus.' after being abandoned. But he doesn't.

Also, note the name Priscilla. Luke always refers to her in the diminutive, but Paul uses her formal name (not made clear in English).

His greetings in the letters show his great respect for women. He was no misogynist.

7. The faithful minister is dependent on Jesus.

See v22

A beautiful benediction. This is not a throw away phrase. We often fade out during the benediction, but don't miss these important words. This relates to everything Paul has just said.

He was abandoned and alone, but was with Jesus. So he prays that The Lord will be with his spirit.

We will not finish, we will not stay to the end, apart from the grace of Jesus.

The joy (?) of voting

It's Thursday evening. On Saturday, the people of Australia get to vote for our Federal Government, and for the third time, I feel like I'm going to stand in that polling booth with the voting slip in my hand, and not know what to do. In fact, at the last election I wanted to write on the slip "Oh God, forgive us for what we are doing to ourselves." But I didn't.

So what should I do? Here's my dilemma. We have two major political parties, the Labor Party led by Kevin Rudd (our current Prime Minister), and a coalition of the Liberal and National Parties, currently led by Tony Abbott. Our third largest party is the Greens, led by Christine Milne. After this there are a ridiculous number of minor parties, most of whom probably believe that they are doing something good, but whom I think just muddy the already cloudy waters.

I find that I simply cannot vote for the Labor party. I have in the past, when I believed that they were ready to do the right thing. This time around, I just can't vote for them. Here are some of my reasons:
while the Australian public don't vote for the leader, the Labor Party have been a leadership joke over the last five years. In 2007 they won with K. Rudd as leader. Then the people he worked with couldn't stand him anymore, so they removed him and Julia Gillard became Australia's first Prime Minister. She wasn't very popular, and while they did win the election in 2010, it was a tight win. She might have been a good PM if she didn't have the battle of a hung parliament. I guess we'll never know because a few months ago her party abandoned her and went back to K. Rudd.

And five senior ministers left the parliament. If these five experienced and qualified people can't work with Rudd, why would I want him to lead our country?

Then there was his answer to the question about his support of same-sex marriage on Q&A on Monday night. I fully understand that my view of same-sex marriage is not the same as every one else's view. I also understand that many who call themselves Christians have a different view (although I cannot comprehend how). Kevin Rudd absolutely calls himself a Christian, is consistently interviewed outside a church, and seems intelligent. And he is a bully. And he is scripturally ignorant.

I can't vote for the Labor Party.

Which leads me to the Coalition.

Even before the election was called, the Coalition promised all their costings would be made public in good time. They talked a lot about financial figures, and they do have a pretty good track record financially, but they failed today. With the election on Saturday, they didn't release their costings until today. And while I make no claim to being able to understand all the finances, I am appalled that the Coalition is happy to slash support for overseas aid. When our country is quite affluent, and so many around the world are starving, surely we should be doing something to help!!

So, I'm not sure about the Coalition either. Others talk about Tony Abbott's character to be questionable, but I have no reason to accept this viewpoint.

Both parties have quite disgusting policies to deal with asylum seekers. I know that this situation is a vexed and difficult one, but both parties seem to be working hard to be worse than the other one. And the poor are the ones who continue to suffer.

Should I vote for the Greens then? Not a chance.

So what to do. As I look ahead to the election, I don't have much hope for our immediate future. It's times like this that I'm glad to be a follower of Jesus Christ. I don't have much hope for the leadership of our country, but I have a firm hope in God.

Remember what I nearly wrote on that voting slip back in 2010? Maybe it will happen this year.

Abandon the High Council in The Salvation Army

It’s time to abandon the High Council in The Salvation Army.

In recent days the High Council of The Salvation Army (TSA) have been gathering to determine who will be the next General of TSA. So far, to my knowledge, five men have been selected, one of whom will spend the next few years as General. I don’t know these men personally, so I can only assume that each of them are capable, that they are deeply committed to Jesus and committed to the mission of The Salvation Army. 

But I fear they will be discredited before they start.

And that is because they are male and they are white. 

This photo appeared on my facebook feed, and while there are some clear errors on the list (the years don’t seem to add up) it is the comments that appeared that concern me most. Here are a few, (I have chosen not to include the names)

·      While each of these candidates have my respect, I am waiting for the day we have a General from the Two Thirds world that represents the most significant growth in The Salvation Army.

·      majority of them have spent 30 odd years working at in a office playing with the photocopier machine! lol And not working in the "field"

·      I would actually have liked to have seen a Commissioner from somewhere like Africa, India, or South America nominated. I think they would have a good new perspective on evangelism and living a Christ-like life that they could bring to the rest of the Army.

Add these thoughts to the blog that I read from a current Corps Officer, - the-next-general - and I’m left with an uneasy feeling.

I have an uneasy feeling that until a married woman is appointed as General, too many salvo officers will not believe that the current General is the right person.

I have an uneasy feeling that until an officer from Africa/Asia is appointed as General, the current General will not be accepted by current officers.

But I add to that a very uneasy feeling that when someone in these categories is appointed, many will feel that he/she is just a token general.

So maybe it’s time to just abandon the idea of the high council. I don’t have any suggestions for an alternative, but maybe it’s time for a change.

A Consistent Question

Every year at the PYV (Presbyterian Youth Victoria) Summer Camp, we give people the opportunity to ask questions, and pretty much every year, this question comes up: “What happens to babies when they die?” I have had the task of answering this a couple of times, and have heard others answer the question too.

In PYV circles, this is no longer academic.

On Monday, we sat in a crowded church with a large number of hurting people and stared at the small white coffin at the front of the church. If you have ever been to a funeral for a baby or a toddler, you will know the horrible feeling that I’m describing here. A life that we all expected to be full of joy and happiness didn’t even get the chance to take a first breath. And we are all left wondering why such a thing should happen.

Searching for an answer to that question is often fruitless and frustrating, but this funeral had something special about it. Here the question of what happens to babies who dies was irrelevant. There was no doubt about what happened – we all believe that she is with Jesus; she is in a place infinitely better than earth (though we wish she was still here); and we believe that she will be united with her parents again one day.

So as we sat in that church, we had the opportunity to worship God. We sang to the one who absolutely understands what it means to have a child die. We prayed that God would comfort the family and friends of this hurting family. And we heard about the only One who can give us hope in such times. “Nothing can separate us from the love of God.”

Does it stop the hurt? No. Does it mean we don't grieve? No. Will we ever laugh and smile again? Yes, but maybe not just yet.

And was the original question answered? Yes.

We need a new anthem NOW!

It's a standing joke that most Australians don't know the words of "Advance Australia Fair", our national anthem. I don't think it's a great tune, and some of the words seem a bit odd - 'girt' always makes me laugh. But there is a line in the second verse which is no longer relevant, and so we should abandon the anthem.

This line reads, "For those who've come across the seas, we've boundless plains to share". But today our Prime Minister, the one who is elected to speak for Australia, has announced that no one who arrives by boat as a refugee will be allowed to stay in Australia. Instead, those people who have left their homeland for all sorts of reasons; those people who have risked everything to get to Australia; will be flown to Papua New Guinea where they will be 'processed'. And if they are found to be genuine refugees, then they will still be unwelcome in Australia.

There is so much that is WRONG with this decision, but I won't comment on that here.

However, there are two things that stand in my mind.
Firstly, we should abandon our National Anthem. It is now a joke.
Second, when we do have an election, who do we vote for now? The Labor party have made this decision, and the Liberals support it.

"For those who've come across the seas, we've . . ." Fill in the blanks yourself.